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and four years later you’re dancing around your kitchen with a pint of milk in your hand.
the windows are open wide, the neighbors are still awake, and they are watching you. they are watching you fall in love with being alive.
Life lessons I’m learning in my 20s: Don’t spend your life trying to chase after or replicate feelings you get from other people or places. Happiness will find you again in a whole spectrum of different and even better forms.
“Sometimes you’re 23 and standing in the kitchen of your house making breakfast and brewing coffee and listening to music that for some reason is really getting to your heart. You’re just standing there thinking about going to work and picking up your dry cleaning. And also more exciting things like books you’re reading and trips you plan on taking and relationships that are springing into existence. Or fading from your memory, which is far less exciting. And suddenly you just don’t feel at home in your skin or in your house and you just want home but ‘Mom’s’ probably wouldn’t feel like home anymore either. There used to be the comfort of a number in your phone and ears that listened everyday and arms that were never for anyone else. But just to calm you down when you started feeling trapped in a five-minute period where nostalgia is too much and thoughts of this person you are feel foreign. When you realize that you’ll never be this young again but this is the first time you’ve ever been this old. When you can’t remember how you got from sixteen to here and all the same feel like sixteen is just as much of a stranger to you now. The song is over. The coffee’s done. You’re going to breathe in and out. You’re going to be fine in about five minutes.”
- Kalyn RoseAnne (via quotemadness)
via @quotemadness
“I think I'm searching for validation. Validation that I am on the right path. That I am changing for the better. That the person I was months ago, is far from who I am today. I want someone to look at me, and see how far I’ve come. I want someone to tell me that they see how hard I fought to keep going, to get better and that they are proud of me. That they are proud I never gave up, even when I wanted to so badly, even when living felt impossible. I want people to say they saw how bad it was, they saw how much in pain I was in, and that they are glad I’m better. That they are glad I made it through. I want someone to care. It nags at me, the idea that the people in my life can’t even tell the difference between my smiles from then and now. That they don’t care enough to look that closely. Does no one notice? Almost no one noticed when I was at my worst, so maybe they just can’t tell that I’m better.”
- n.c.// at least I can tell, at least I notice, and that is more than I ever thought I would get.